| Cassandra (Class of 2024) is majoring in Landscape Architecture and has interests in Permaculture, Nutritional Health. She is part of many student organizations like the TERRA Environmental Society, the Husky Environmental Action Team, and the Francophone Club. Cassandra’s favorite class was Human Nutrition with Professor Judith Richman and Planting Design with Kate Kennan. |
I’m a second year student in the Explore Program and I still do not know what I want to do. If you told my rising-first-year self that I wouldn’t have it all figured out “this far in”, I would have scoffed.
Cue my vivid flashback.
I called Brooke the summer before university started, asking confidently to transfer into the College of Engineering – because I don’t need to explore, I know it is right. I love the environment and I’m good at math. Environmental Engineering. Done. Finished. Luckily, Brooke asked me if I was sure. Was I 100% sure? No. I mean I’ve never actually been an engineer before, but still pretty sure… but fine I won’t do anything crazy, I’ll just declare after the first semester. No rush. Three semesters later and I am 100% not in the engineering program. I am proudly undeclared.
I am someone who plans. I love making study guides, schedules, and I have a spreadsheet with my degree plan iterated over and over. I am also exceedingly indecisive. I lose sleep over making a massive, life-changing decision. Or just decisions about what I should have for dessert. How am I expected to choose between cake or ice cream? These characteristics make not having a clear degree path nauseating, but the idea of having one even more so.
After going through the first semester, I decided that while being exceedingly humbled, I will never be an engineer. This caused a freakout – as you might imagine. I was sitting in 1 Meserve most of the time scared by the Spring course registration looming on the horizon. I went to the College of Arts, Media, and Design Meet-the-Majors Fair event and took a chance. I sat at the Architecture table for the entire two hours. Landscape Architecture? Is a thing? I can design like an architect… but do it for plants? I love plants. I’m so in. Was I 100% sure? Yes, this time definitely.
Definitely not. I’ve taken five architecture courses now, and I know Landscape Architecture peaks my interest. But I am still not sure. I could do the complete major, or a combined with something else, or just get a Sustainable Urban Studies minor. I don’t know how much of a role Landscape Architecture is supposed to play in my path. How could I… I’ve never actually been a landscape architect before.
Despite the messy path I am on, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am not sure. But after semesters of trying desperately to feel comfortable in my choices, I am becoming more comfortable knowing I don’t know what to choose. That is not to say I can go on undeclared forever. I can feel that I am close to a decision. I just am not 100% sure yet. If there is anything the Explore Program has taught me over these past semesters, it’s that uncertainty, especially if you are indecisive like me, is part of the process of exploration and discovery. I still look at my study plan spreadsheet. I change it around every couple of weeks when I lean one way and then another. Maybe I won’t ever be 100% sure, but the Explore Program has made me realize I have options. Major declaration does not eliminate fluidity and change in my life. Ambiguity and the response to it will always be part of figuring out my path and myself. If you feel nervous about not knowing, begin to understand that not-knowing is part of the journey. Dive into your exploration deeply. Give classes all you’ve got. Reflect on them and monitor how you feel. Pull on the knowledgeable guides and detailed resources the Explore Program offers to us. Most importantly, do not lose yourself in a cyclone of uncertainty and fear. Believe that ambiguity invites opportunity.